The Borderlands movie is an astounding waste of potential

On paper, Eli Roth's Borderlands adaptation sounds like a recipe for a solid sci-fi romp: Oscar-winner Cate Blanchett as the wise-cracking gunslinger Lilith; Jack Black, fresh off of voicing Bowser, as the quippy/annoying Claptrap; and freaking Jamie Lee Curtis back in the genre fray after Everything Everywhere, All At Once. And yet the film is a lifeless slog better suited to an episode of Mystery Science Theater, completely squandering the potential of those elements.

Like the original game, Borderlands is mostly set on the wild alien planet of Pandora — a name that clearly should have been changed since audiences now associate it mostly with the Avatar films. Roth's adaptation makes significant changes to the game's plot and characters: It begins with Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt) being rescued from a space prison by the former soldier Roland (Kevin Hart [?!]). Inexplicably, they run into the former Psycho, Kriege (Florian Munteanu), and together they all escape to find a legendary vault on Pandora, which holds untold alien treasures.

Meanwhile, in a nondescript city on another planet, Lilith gets recruited by the head of the Atlas Corporation (a scenery-chewing Edgar Ramirez) to rescue Tina, who he claims is her daughter. Like a maze hastily created for a kids menu, you can easily predict the path the film will take. Lilith reluctantly heads back to Pandora, she teams up with the other characters, and plot points are checked off with the excitement of a DMV visit

There are obligatory action scenes, as you'd expect, but it all feels routine — CG explosions, half-hearted choreography and minimal stakes.

Blanchett is an actress who has proven herself to have an enormous amount of range. She can play an awesome/terrifying Galadriel in The Lord of the Rings, and a pompous conductor in Tár. But while there are some base pleasures in seeing her rolling around with futuristic guns, she just never feels comfortable in the skin of an action heroine. There's none of the ferocity of Charlize Theron's most physical roles, or even Angelina Jolie in a middling thriller like Salt (a movie that, I assure you, is far more fun than Borderlands). Blanchett just seems too cool for this shit.

And unlike other films featuring a rag-tag group of heroes, like Guardians of the Galaxy or the excellent Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, there’s little time spent building up relationships in Borderlands. Roland seems noble, but we never really learn who he is and what’s driving him to save Tina. (I also question the wisdom of casting a comedian like Hart in a mostly straight role.) Krieg is a shell of a character who gets only a few lines of stunted dialog and no actual development. Jamie Lee Curtis’s role as the “xenoarcheologist” Tannis makes no sense at all.

What you have, ultimately, is a boring film filled with empty characters and actors who would be better off being in literally anything else. If Cate Blanchett sold out for a corny commercial campaign — if she reenacted Pacino’s Dunkaccino song for real — it would still be less embarrassing than starring in this failure. In an era where many game adaptations have been surprisingly watchable, like the Sonic and Super Mario Bros. movies, and a masterpiece of a show like The Last of Us exists, Borderlands feels like a unforced error.

Instead of being a big-budget film, it could have been better off as a streaming series like Fallout. Perhaps it didn’t need two Oscar winners and a well-known comedian like Kevin Hart. They probably should have stuck with the screenplay from the Chernobyl and Last of Us showrunnner Craig Mazin, instead of bringing in more writers. (One of the listed screenwriters is "Joe Crombie," a pseudonym for someone who didn’t want their name attached to this film.)

As it is, though, Borderlands is pure wasted potential. Go replay the games — hell, go watch some of the Borderlands fan films — instead of sitting through this atrocity.